Jessjess BaBy

Reviewed back the blog i wrote on 9th April 2006. I found that actually GOD showing me something Don’t u realize that sometimes even GOD wanna tell u something but u ignored it? U don’t?~! Until the day comes.

Two years ago, what made me so miss my father?  What made my heart so strong to pray for his health? As he is so healthy all the while even he is a heavy smoker?

Now i know.   

Lord, I know u are doing something. Huh~! You wan me to be strong to handle all these. I remember, your love is always enough for me.

Dear Friend,

22nd February 2008:

My father admitted to hospital due to stomachache. Thru ultrasound shows gallstone. I praise the LORD that after removed the gall bladder, everything will be fine.

Suprisingly, Dr. found out he had colon cancer. OPS~! Well, for your information, I’m working in scope room where people mostly found diseases in my working place. I never think that one day the one who diagnosed cancer is my dad.

GOD~! Now I know why you put me in endoscopy. And I wanna give thanks that, I know Dr.Wong. I think all these are planned — by U ~ GOD.

Some people may say I am idiot. And I can tell u NO~! You will never know what GOD’s plan. What’s next.

Huh~!

11st March 2008:

My father had done the operation removed 2/3 of the colon.
Now resting at home town. With my mother’s cares, I don’t need to worry much.

But within 2 months, he need to do cemotherapy le. I really pray hard that everything goes smooth. He will do chemo in Kuantan Hospital. I dunno well about chemo. I dunno well about how the hospital there function.

The most i worry, can my father go thru the whole process? GOD knows…

LORD~! Please help me. Mentally prepare me; Physically protect me. I need to ‘chang’ my whole family. U know that. Please HELP me~!

I don’t want to commit myself to anything anymore now. I just commit everything into my family ~ My dad~! And LORD, help me. I also need to go thru the whole process.

好灰好灰的天空~！今天的天空怎么了？为了我悲哀吗？

为什么？为什么看见别人双双对对的，我却独身一人？为什么长追求的得不到，没意想要得到的人得到却没珍惜。为什么这世界那么的不公平？

男人怎么那么难明白女生？ 男人为什么那么过分于自己的主见？ 为什么不放下那大男人的心态，体谅一下女人要的？ 为什么要做笨猪？为什么不做女人可靠的男人？ 为什么不挺高胸膛让女人依靠？ 为什么不让女人感觉一丝丝的安全感？ 为什么那么死牛？

每一次的冷淡，让我感觉阵阵的痛。难道你真的笨像猪，一点都感觉不到？ 每一次我让自己情绪平复后，你又让我再次从高处跌得四脚朝天。难道你都不懂吗？

我的要求那么难达到吗？ 你的关心，体贴，体谅，温柔。。。去了哪里？ 为什么骗我？ 你不是说过你会对我很好的吗？你不是曾对我好好的吗？ 在我最需要某人时，你不是出现了吗？ 难道这些都不能持续吗？ 为什么停止？为什么让我一个人？

我只要你的陪伴，真的又很难吗？ 为什么一个两个都那样？为什么难过都我一个人啃？你们怎么都这样？

我好难过。可是只对这四面墙。我不要这样的生活。我不要~！

救救我！~！ 有谁？

For those friends who know me well for couple of years, i believe that he/she may heard about MC’S. I am sure they even know M,C and S. Well, time comes and goes. Reviewed back the relationship of MC’S it could be long for 8years… Wau~! 8 years… It could be a very good memory for 3 of us…

Erm… memory… Yeah, memory… It will not happen anymore. Hmmm, Life~! Need to learn to accept la. Memory is to review, sometimes think of it when u saw a picture, think of it when u went some place where u gals like to hang on in the past, think of when u heard some songs that u gals used to sing together… Hahaha…

I just hope that, she will live happily in the future… Even I know she is in trouble for the time being, even I know she may need help sometimes, even i know…… well, I know many things la… heheh…. Girl, we had been sister for 8 years.. sometimes, u dun need to open ur mouth and I know what are u thinking….

Would like to thank u for being my dear sister for the past 8 years… Will never forget the day of ours ~ 2nd of April ~

Human being, always sin against GOD. We need to learn to walk GOD’s way. Even we sometimes don’t really understand why GOD want us to do so… but we need to obey. GOD will not want to see us suffer. GOD will give u and take it away. It’s part of life. We obey GOD.

I wanna thank GOD for given me this relationship for 8 years… I dun understand why GOD wanna take it away, but i chosen to obey. Because, I know GOD loves me. He want to give me a better one. Maybe want us to build a stronger relationship in the futureafter this incident? Who knows~!?

GOD created fathers,To protect us when we’re small, To fix things that we might break, And catch us when we fall. GOD knew we’d need somebody strong, Who would be gentle, too… Someone to listen to our dreams, And help those dreams come true… Some one who’d teach us to be brave, And understand our fears, Who’d be there when we need a friend, And guide us through the years… Yes, GOD created fathers, To depend on all life through… That’s why a father’s loved so much, Especially one like you~!

当你不再爱我，当爱已成为你的负担，当相爱已是
一种痛苦，那么，我选择放弃。
放弃你，是因为爱你。
因为爱你，所以不愿看着你强忍内心的挣扎；因为
爱你，所以不愿看见你勉强的笑容；因为爱你，所
以愿意放了你。
当爱已成往事，又何必苦苦追寻？强求得不来幸
福，强求只能拉大你我的裂痕，只能加剧你我的痛
楚。

因为有一种爱，叫做放弃。
放弃不是无私的奉献。放弃你，这不仅是对你的
爱，更是对我自己的呵护。放弃你，我会伤心，当
我不会后悔。让你从我的生命中消失，是因为“长痛
不如短痛”。当我岁月尽去,行将就木，我依然不会后
悔。
因为曾经爱过你。
因为爱你，所以希望你快乐。
有人说这个世界不会有永恒的爱情。你我之间，如
果连短暂的爱情也无法存在，不如放开彼此。
当你快乐时，我也会快乐。

也许是我过分的宠溺让你习惯享受，也许是我过分
的放任让你没有责任，也许是我过分的爱怜让你压
力重重，也许是都市的霓红灯让你迷失方向……
只怪你我有缘无分。
当你想要离去，请别管我，你只需告诉我，你不再
爱我，你要走。我一定会让你走，不会乞求你留
下，哪怕听见自己心碎的声音。
当你离去，请别再回头。回头是一种错误，回头是
对你我的不公。去了，请别再后悔。
因为爱你，就该放了你。
有一种爱叫做放弃，我知道，那是对你最深的爱。

等待~是這麼難寫的2個字~

此刻的你等待什麼~

「你會等我嗎？」他問她。
「我會。」
結果，她沒有等他。

「你會等我嗎？」她問他。
「不會。」
結果，他等了她一輩子。

「不要等我。」
「我還是會等你的。」
誰真？誰假？
說不要等的人，是否真的不想對方為他守候？
說會等的人，又是否真的會等下去？

等待，到底是什麼？
是一個承諾？還是一個謊言？
它可以是一句隨口說出來的敷衍說話，也可以是
不曾說出口的一種默契。

未經過等待而得到的，你未必會在乎。
經過了等待才得到的，你會懂得珍惜。

人，從出生的那一天，便在彷彿永無止境地等
待。

等開始，等終結，然後再度開始。
周而復始，循循環環，永無休止。

小孩子都在等待長大，成人則在等待衰老。
求學時期的，在等待畢業離開校園。
已經投身社會的，在等待退休告老歸田。

有一些等待的過程令人回味，更多的等待過程教
人不想提起。
父母等待子女成人；
末期癌症病人在等待自己嚥下最後一口氣。

翻開相冊，從前生活的點滴，都是一絲一寸等待
的印記。

因為有了等待，所以有了期望。
因為有了期望，所以也有了滿足與失望。
付出過，得到了回報而滿足，會令等待的過程變
得很美。

Praise the LORD~! I would like to shout out to the world that GOD is so real~! GOD is so great~! GOD will always hear your prayer~! GOD is always there for u~!!!

Two days ago, when I check my friendster account, I feel like wanna post a new blog… cause I felt down, I felt I miss my daddy alot… but I failed to do that, cause I felt like useless by doing all these things which can’t help.

01/05 is my daddy’s 50y/o birthday. I called up my mother, I asked her whether call my daddy to wish him not… he was alone there, no one knows his birthday, no one celebrate for him… I wonder whether he himself remember his own birthday not???

But my mother told me that she can’t get him. The phone can’t connect to him. I started worried… I almost cry out… At last,I did… I cried… cause I really can’t stand. I worried, I scared~! I tell myself that he will be ok there.

After some time, my mother told me that she still can’t get him, even thru my cousin. Maybe he went to some place that no network… At that time, I heard my mother told me that he is so strong, no worry.

Nowaday, Thru many people, everyone telling me that my daddy is a man. GOD created man with man power, man is strong enough, even superman is a man.

My daddy~ in my heart, he is a super strong man! I believe that GOD will be with him all the time. I pray, I keep on praying that he can come back and give me some time to get ready my feeling that he will go there to work for that period of time instead of going straight without noticed.

Yesterday, My mother told me, she needs to come KL on monday… She said daddy will come back on monday~! I was like…….. =D

HALLELUJAH!!!

She said, but no place to stay la… I told her that I will go back to our old house there to clean up everything for them to stay. I don’t care. For this moment, what I want just to meet up my daddy as soon as possible…I can guarantee that he will be thinner than before for sure.

Oh~! DADDY~! Thank GOD that he heard my prayer! Thanks~~~

My daddy is  going to Australia soon. Last two days, my mother and sister was here in KL too, we wish to accompany my daddy because He will be going there for a period of time.

I asked my mother: "u can let daddy go like that? some more we dunno how long he’ll be there and he will be alone there…" my mother answered me: "what to do girl? He go there cari makan. we can’t do anything right?"

And last two days, i went to accompany my daddy too. we went for dinner,Praise the Lord, we enjoyed the dinner very well… cause really long time we never had a LAUGHING dinner… (my dad always show his fierce face) then we was inside the room to help my daddy to pack up his things…

At that moment, i felt like i wanna go with him…. because…. i feel like i can’t let him go… i even have the feeling to hug him… (if for those frens who knew my family story, they will understand why i didn’t do that).

After that, around 12am, we even went for supper by walking to the mamak stall… when going back time, was raining… we ran back home…. but we enjoyed~!!!

I really want to give Thanks to the LORD~!!! Before my daddy go so far away from us for some period of time, GOD let me see my daddy’s lovely face where i never see anymore since my primary school time…

I know my daddy very fierce, always show his black black face… or even he made my mother cry on CNY time, but i really love him… i believe that my mother, my brothers and my sisters too… and my daddy loves us very much too. is just our family not like those family, always showing the loveby action … we will only keep deeply inside our heart.. maybe other ppl dunno, but we can feel it…

Thank you LORD by given me this warmly family. and i pray that the LORD will be with my daddy and he will not be feeling lonely there.. and i wan to pray for his health too….. amen~!

This year really made me change (by the Lord). I had did many things that i never did before. i told myself, i need to be better and better by guiding way where Lord given me the most supporting and love…

1) I had contacted back those secondary schoolmates who are my best friends in the past. Time is the only thing keep on running even u stand there doing nothing. it will never return and giving u any chance. I met them and we had a very warm gathering. I refuse to meet them in the past, because i felt tht we will stuck in the middle when there’s nothing to talk. i hate those situation happen. But GOD showed me the different. I was really happy.. really!!!

2)Haahaa… I even contacted back my Primary schoolmates… Those naughty guys all grown up and become pretty woman and handsome…. do u know the first thought came to me when the first met for me… all the bulat bulat now grown up and really handsome and pretty man!!! Praise the Lord, all are creation of GOD!

3) The first time my friends ask me to bring them to church.. I would like to THANKS GOD… by using me,,, really use me… I brought them to church… It’s really amazing… i felt scare and excited. I dunno what is in their heart at the moment, but i know GOD will do the rest… I LOVE U, my heavenly father!!!

4)I met my standard 5 teacher… She was so thin… until i can’t reconized her… She did an operation and the past 2 years… and her mother was stroke and admitted. I pray that GOD heal her and her mother. And may the Lord bless her where she blessed us to be her students, she did her best for us.

5)I met my friend, who went to Arab for job. A person who did quite a lot for…. me…. when he’s still in Malaysia. After he went to oversea, only i found missing him.. Haha… He came back and we met back. He became more mature. He is a nice nice guy. May GOD show the love to him… Let him feel the presence of the Lord. He need u…

Huh~!!! Now I’m learning Psychology also. Nobody will know the stress by learning this. Unless he/she learned… I can see thru more different personality and more different attitute ppl among our friends. Even they don’t show it… with your normal eyes, u may think that is normal… do u ever think tht how the person will be next? this world full of cruel and rude. which u may not seen now…

it’s good to know more….

GOD, help me that i can help other thru the things i had learned.

最近没怎么写blog了。一来赶学校的东西，二来少上网了，做人好累也… 我记得之前又读过这么一篇文章。觉得没怎样，不过现在读回，真有一点make sense…

这是密教图腾上的文字。

给你生活的忠告:
多吃些粗粮。
给别人比他们自己期许的更多，并且用心去做。
熟记你喜欢的诗歌。
不要轻信你听到的每件事，不要花光你的所有，不要想睡多久就睡多久。
无论何时说“我爱你”，请真心实意。
无论何时说“对不起”，请看着对方的眼睛。
相信一见钟情。
永远不要忽视别人的梦想。
深情热烈地爱，也许你会受伤，但这是使人生完整的唯一方法。
用一种明确的方法解决争议，不要冒犯。
永远不要以貌取人。慢慢地说，但要迅速地想。
当别人问你不想回答的问题时，笑着说“你为什么想知道？”
记住那些敢于承担最大风险的人才能得到最深的爱和最大的成就。
给妈妈打电话。如果不行，至少在心里想着她。
如果你失败了，千万不要忘记汲取教训。
记住三个“尊”：尊重你自己；尊重别人；保持尊严，对自己的行为负责。
不要让小小的争端损毁了一段伟大的友谊。
无论何时你发现自己做错了，竭尽所能去弥补。动作要快！
无论什么时候打电话，摘起话筒的时候请微笑，因为对方能感觉到！
找一个你爱聊的人结婚 ， 因为当年龄大了以后，你会发觉喜欢聊天是一个人最大的优点。
找点时间，单独呆会儿。
欣然接收改变，但是不要摒弃你的个人理念。
记住，沉默是金。
多看点书，少看点电视。
过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去，你就能再一次享受人生。
相信上帝，但是别忘了锁门。
家庭的融洽氛围是难能可贵的。
尽你的全力让家平顺和谐。
当你和你亲近的人吵嘴的时候，试着就事论事，不要扯出那些陈芝麻，烂谷子的事。
不要摆脱不了昨天。
多注意言下之意。
和别人分享你的知识，那才是永恒之道！
善待我们的地球。
不要愚弄自然母亲。
忙自己该做的事。
不要相信接吻时从不闭眼的伴侣。
每年至少去一个你从没去过的地方。
如果你赚了很多钱，在活着的时候多行善事。这是你能得到的最好回报。
记住有时候，不是最好的收获也是一种好运。
深刻理解所有的规则，合理地更新他们。
记住：最好的关系存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。
回头看看你发誓取得的目标，然后评判你到底有多成功。
无论是烹调还是爱情，都用百分之百的负责态度对待，但是不要期求太多的回报。